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Specific focusing problems and steps for them
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Perhaps, as you tried to focus, you could not because there was a steady stream of thinking words. It is all right to have words there, regard them as you would the radio playing next door - you can't turn it off but you can ignore it somewhat. Try to sense the feeling, how that whole thing feels, and any special feeling that is in that. Decide that if there are words, OK, but don't you say anything deliberately. There is a difference, after a while, between deliberate thinking which you actively do, and words that come anyway. You don't have to think deliberately, except to remind yourself of the problem area, and that you are asking, “What's in that? " or ’'What does that feel like? "
If your mind wandered, don't get mad at yourself. Bring yourself gently back. " 'What was I doing? Oh, yes, focusing on that… " " What was I asking? Oh, yes, - What does that feel like? " If your mind wanders again, bring yourself back again the same way, as often as need be.
If you wonder whether what you arrived at is right, or is really yours rather than what others drilled into you, don't only try to figure out what it is. Focus again, freshly, on what it now feels like, and see what next step comes. (If there is persistent doubt or interference, that's a feeling, too, so focus on what that is like. )
If there is too much feeling, or too many feelings, take up a slightly removed position, not far off, close but not swamped. It is as if you stood at the edge of a manhole. Then wait and make feelings come up to you one by one.
If there were only images, make sure at some point to stop and ask yourself, " What does this image make me feel? " Then attend to that feeling and stay with it until it opens up and you sense what it is, perhaps say what it is to yourself in words. Then see, again, what changed image you now get.
If you got into some feeling, but then it didn't move any further, ask yourself, “What would this be like, if it were totally fine and sound and OK? " (Or, " How should it be different, if I were going to be pleased? " ) Then, after a few minutes, ask, " What is in the way of it getting like that? " Pay attention to the feeling which then comes up, and stay with that, let it talk to you and tell you what's in the way. (It is sometimes good to add these two steps just before the end of the focusing instructions, before Step 5. )
If you ended up just feeling some bad feeling, note this: Focusing is a process in which the body, the well-organized natural organism, lives a difficulty past a stuck point. Therefore, release, relief, feeling better, is what you sense when there is a step. Expect this feeling better, feeling more right or sound, and have the attitude that you are doing this, not because you want to feel bad, but because there is a way of feeling and being all right, and as a feeling opens to tell you what is in it, you will also feel more all right. Another way to put this is:
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Suppose you came to a squabbling group, as a helpful person. You should not take sides, not tell the different people what is right and wrong, it's their group. Rather you would listen to each, make sure each is heard, and see that whatever truth each has a hold of is gotten out. Then you have to trust the group as a whole to come out better. Your body is much more organized than any group, and by nature whole and sound. So, whatever each feeling has to say, no matter how bad or wrong, something about it will also be right, and needed to come out, before the body can be whole again, and your actions more effective. Therefore, you listen gently to each feeling, not to believe or do only what it says, but to let everything be open so your body can live it on to a next, better step.
In short, you can expect a very distinct relief feeling, when just that comes out from a feeling, which has been separated off and has been troubling, without being lived out in actions or words, until now.
The good feeling you expect is something like (but not the same, rather stronger) the feeling you get when you first forgot something, and you try and try to remember, and then, ah… you remember. You might not even like what you remember, but the dissolving of the tied-up feeling and the release feels good. Sometimes you exhale a deep breath, quite involuntarily, that's the way it feels. Expect that. It is the right and good background, against which to see each feeling that is in the way.
If, when something came, you got angry at what it was, perhaps you were angry at being avoidant, or in some other way you were down on yourself while trying to focus. It takes being nice to oneself. Feelings are often like shy people, when they are being yelled at, they get cowed and can't say anything. Even if you don't like what this next one will say, give it a friendly hearing. It will not only tell you what's wrong, but also usually what the good reasons are, for your feeling that
way. Allow whatever feeling is next, as long as it is a feeling. Every feeling has some importance.
Sometimes we stop ourselves from feeling some ways because we don't want to act on them. But feelings and actions differ, as we argued earlier. You can promise yourself that you will not act until it feels right, meanwhile you can want to hear from the different pulls you feel to see what they are and what all is in each.
If you felt something and then decided it was childish: everyone is, among other things, a child inside, and the child is a most valuable part. That's where there is a lot of warmth and good feeling. Let your child be and feel, you will remain an adult, don't worry. Also, if you don't like your child, ask yourself, " How would I treat any other child that went through what I did, if I met such a child right now? " (The answer probably is, " I'd hug that child, comfort it, tell it that naturally it felt this and so way, given what was happening. ” Comfort the child you partly are, too. )
If you got involved in thinking: let yourself have a fresh start more often. Just begin anew, " How does the whole thing feel now? " Let a specific feeling come out of that fresh start, again.
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If you get sluggish and sleepy: don't be in a sleeping position, lying down totally. Be in a relaxed position, but on an elbow or with hands behind your head, or sitting up. Focusing is wide awake, not near sleep or hypnosis. Or, if you sank into sadness or heavyness, rouse yourself, stand a little aside as it were; and let what the sadness is come to you a bit at a time.
If what seemed to be there was too rough: a feeling, once you get in touch with it, is " a place. " You can kind of rely on its being there, you needn't drown in it or swallow it all up, you can take up a relation to it. After a while more will come from it, of what is in it. It is all right, for a while, just to tolerate being, and staying quietly, somewhere near it.
If you dived into your bad feelings, like diving into a manhole in the street: it is usually better to sit comfortably at the edge of the manhole, and let one feeling after another come to you.
This means, for example, if you are now feeling fine, focusing will not make you feel worse. It isn't a matter of letting go of feeling OK now, and making yourself feel bad. Rather, stay feeling OK and let whatever isn't OK come before you, so that without feeling bad you can see what it is.
So, let's say sometimes you have bad feeling so-and-so, for instance, some kind of terror, let us say. Don't now dive in and make yourself terrified. Not at all. Sitting here some distance from that feeling, let it come to you, don't put yourself in it. Don't turn away from it either. Let a touch of that feeling form for you, enough so you can ask, ’'What is that? " or " What makes that? " (or one of those open questions). Then wait. Let an answer come to you.
If you begin with a situational problem, like, " What to do about…" and then find yourself only thinking about different courses of action, ask yourself, " What makes this situation so hard? " (or painful, or however it feels to you). Or, if there are alternatives but you can't do them, ask yourself, " What is it that really makes this wrong for me? ” Then wait; don't answer. Let the feel of it open up and see more than you have been taking into account. Or ask, " Why can't I do something about this? ” Then wait, feel that in you.
If there was too much fear, or guilt, or shame, or feeling some one bad way: with emotions of this sort, try saying something like, " All right, so I am afraid (or feeling guilty, or ashamed, or whatever), so I am, now I'd like to sense that whole way of me, that whole situation, all that is involved, which makes me feel that way”. Expect to shift from one clear single emotion, to a complete maze of things, which feels different than the emotion. It is somewhat like going on, past the emotion, as if all that complexity is behind it or under it. Then let whatever is there slowly form, and see what is there.
If you went some step or steps, and now don't know how to go on, one way is: sense into how it all is now, and ask, " Is it totally OK and fine now, and if not, why not? " Let whatever feeling comes in answer to this, come and show you what's still not right.
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