A cleric's penance. A Barbarian's Boo-Boo. Precise Constitution Points

A cleric's penance

Although our group engaged in sexual encounters (old favorites like the innkeeper's daughter, the farmer's wife, etc. ), it usually had severe consequences. After the treatment of one character, a cleric, the group stayed clear of these opportunities.

This character, a cleric, was seduced by a bar wench during one of our stops. Although the sex was supposedly great, soon after the cleric began to notice a tingling sensation in his groin. Sure enough, his deity had struck him with a venereal disease, and no spell could take it off! The condition became more debilitating until finally, after intense prayer, his god forgave him as long as a certain penance was followed. This involved the usual series of prayers, and one extra condition: on the ground there magically appeared a bag of holding (usable only for the purpose it was intended), and inside was a large supply of BURLAP UNDERWEAR! There was enough for the cleric to change three times daily, which, of course, he was required to do! We all steered clear of barmaids after that!

– Mario R. Borelli

A Barbarian's Boo-Boo

Our adventuring group was exploring a keep of some type looking for the main baddie who was female. When we found her bedroom, she wasn't there. Of course, we began looking through it when one of the male barbarian PC's (played by a female) accidentally spilled some perfume on himself which had strange properties. The Barbarian and the elven female mage (played by a male) had a certain sudden uncontrollable urge to make use of the nearby bed (that lasted for about 2 hours game time not real time). By this time everyone was laughing hysterically because their characters were standing outside the open door and were watching the entertainment. Now after everyone stopped laughing (and who wouldn't with a low level barbarian and a mid-level mage going at it) the GM had asked questions and rolled his dice and wouldn't ya just know that the mage got pregnant (snicker).

What made the whole thing so interesting was mainly the fact that the characters are both opposite gender from their players (and the mage doesn't really know she's pregnant yet).

The GM used The Complete Guide to Unlawful Carnal Knowledge to make the whole tower and adventure. The GM kept flippin' through and referring to the guide.

– Xandar

Precise Constitution Points

I'd like to tell you about my character (at least, the one for whom this guide is good, since I'm playing at least two characters at any given moment, but that's another story). He is an Elf fighter/bard that due to becoming undead and being resurrected lost 1 Constitution point from his original 11. He asked to return to life (you won't believe it) because he fell in love with a Druid. Due to his chaotic nature, he did some nasty things later (like tempting the police-chief for a gain of about 300 gold pieces... ) and had a lover-fight with the druid, but as he apologized to her and did everything he could to please her - they are back together again, and then what? Just as we leave the city, towards the castle that contains a sword and a horse dedicated for the paladin in out party by his god, we meet three(! ) medusas!!!! And guess who's becoming a stone on the spot? Yes, me!!! (The other me is a holy-ghost, an undead lawful-good priest of the God of the Sun (I know it sounds crazy) and he is protected by him, so he only got paralyzed in another medusa attack). However, one of my best friends, a vampire magic user (would you please repeat THAT???!!! ) succeeded in using him vampiric abilities and use a higher level vampire mage to cast stone-to-flesh on me. He did that three times, 'cause I failed the system shock twice... So, and here we get to our point, I'm left with a Constitution of 7!!! (I still have a Dexterity of 19 and Strength of 17, but I LOVE having sex!!! ) ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!! Since my GM makes me, as a bard, write and sing REAL songs for my spells (I need no spell-books or material components - just a suitable song), I am announcing my next spell-song, which I hope to complete by next session: Luwain's Ever Lasting Hard-On!

Lately, the Fellowship has found itself at Salba-the Layer of Momentary Pleasure (this is a part of the Layered World, an anomaly located in the Mirn-Kaia Universe, where sex is a requirement for all visitors, and the local monetary unit is one Orgasm (four Orgasms = Multiple Orgasm). The local dominant race, the Salbars, can (and do) grasp momentary sexual pleasure as a physical object in the fabric of Time (in Mirn-Kaia metaphysical terms, Salba is related to the Sphere of Time in a passive way). The job of the second species of Salba, the Timplags, and of all visitors, is to provide sexual divertissement and new experience to the Salbars. As can be imagined, this did give a rise to a lot of really good role-playing. And the bard Luwain, remaining faithful to himself, has sneaked away from the party and remained in Salba, in the bed of no less than Salibu, the Mistress of the Layer.

– Luwain