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Porno Periodicals of Humanoids
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Porno Periodicals of Humanoids
Beings of low intelligence have an obsession with smut. They love to purchase and look at pornographic periodicals. Player characters can come across such periodicals in humanoid housing, on a seedy magazine stand, in the possessions of a gross conquered enemy, etc.
These periodicals need a name:
1. Roll 2d10 on a Table 1 to get the race that created the periodical. The writing (if any) in the periodical will be of the preferred language of the race.
2. To get the name of the periodical:
- Roll 1d30 on Table 2 to get an adjective. You may roll more than once if desired.
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- Roll 1d20 on Table 3 to get an noun. Thus, a roll of 4 and a roll of 14 would produce Jiggling Hooters. But this isn't good enough for the old GM, so he rolls for another adjective and gets a 25 Oily Jiggling Hooters. And the roll from step 1 reveals that Orcs created this periodical. Thus, we have Oily Jiggling Hooters of Orcs.
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Table 1: Humanoid Creators | ||||
| Die Roll | Humanoid | Die Roll | Humanoid | |
| Bugbear | Drow Elf | |||
| Gully Dwarf | Ettin | |||
| Gnoll | Goblin | |||
| Hag | Half-Orc | |||
| Harpy | Human | |||
| Hill Giant | Hobgoblin | |||
| Kobold | Lizard Man | |||
| Mongrelman | Orc | |||
| Ogre | Troglodyte | |||
| Were-Rat | ||||
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Table 2: Adjectves | ||||
| Die Roll | Adjective | Die Roll | Adjective | |
| Arousing | Savory | |||
| Erotic | Slimy | |||
| Hard | Succulent | |||
| Jiggling | Tantalizing | |||
| Luscious | Voluptuous | |||
| Profuse | Delectable | |||
| Sensual | Greasy | |||
| Stimulating | Hors d'oeuvre | |||
| Swollen | Large | |||
| Titillating | Oily | |||
| Big | Scrumptious | |||
| Fleshy | Sticky | |||
| Hefty | Sumptuous | |||
| Juicy | Tender | |||
| Moist | Warted | |||
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Table 3: Nouns | ||||
| Die Roll | Noun | Die Roll | Noun | |
| Balls | Bolas | |||
| Butts | Caves | |||
| Clubs | Dungeons | |||
| Holes | Hooters | |||
| Jugs | Knockers | |||
| Lingerie | Mounds | |||
| Pits | Rods | |||
| Staves | Strongholds | |||
| Stuff | Swords | |||
| Wands of Wonder | Wankers | |||
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A typical periodical may contain perverse artwork, Q& As, a forum, an advice column, letters, or raunchy stories. They are not necessary created on printing presses. They can be hand-written or drawn by scribes or artists. These beings are so primitive they could have simple clumps of scrolls with their perversion on them. The key for success with this system is for the GM to think. How intelligent are the authors? What resources do they possess? What is believable and realistic? This isn't a detailed system, it is merely guidelines to stimulate creative thought in the GM.
Chapter 5: Prestige Classes
Beguiler
“Drink this and fall madly in love. ”
The beguiler is a spellcaster that specializes in brewing potions and philters that alter the mind and emotions of those that drink them. A master of persuasion and mysticism, beguilers often play the role of the mysterious witch doctor that has a brew for everything. Of course, finding the beguiler is often more trouble than it is worth, as she tends to hide herself in nature’s most remote places.
Druids and rangers with their affection for nature are drawn to the beguiler class, often drawing upon it when their desire to meddle in matters grows strong. Some wizards, sorcerers, and clerics have also been known to take up this role, allowing their fascination with chemical alterations of the mind to guide their career.
NPC beguilers normally dwell far from settled lands, maintaining an odd laboratory with any number of brews and charms available to those that seek them out. They offer their services without regards for the outcome - it is up to those brave enough to use their methods to deal with the results.
Hit Dice: d6
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